My lovely friend Meika text-ed me, saying, I know there is a way to make you love your story again. I hope she is right. I have listened and read a lot of advice from my wonderful friends and fellow writers on how to handle this. I’ve decided that first, I need some time away from my manuscript to deal with my disappointment. I had never been more confident in any of my work as a writer than I was in my ability to sell this novel and now that confidence is shaken. Maybe it’s not original or interesting like I thought. Now I can’t stop wondering how much of it is trite and derivative and maybe I just couldn’t see the truth of it because I am too in love with my own work.
After I shake off this new found insecurity, I need to get back to work on the novel. Though I’m going to make some changes to distinguish my premise from the POS show that got there first (insert colorful cusswords here, followed by grumbles).
But truly, the hardest part is the betrayal I feel. Because all of this time I thought it was just me and my premise; laughing, drinking caramel hot cocoa in cafes, painting our nails and admiring the hell out of each other. I never asked how my premise felt, I just assumed that she felt the same way as I did. That we were perfect for each other and belonged together. Little did I know, my premise took a much looser approach to relationships than I did. Where as I am a one premise kind of gal, she turned out to be a filthy cheating whore.
She rubbed some serious salt in my wounds too. She didn’t just cheat on me with some newbie writer from Scappoose, oh no. She cheated on me with famed Buffy writer, Jane freakin’ Espenson (who co-wrote the episode which will not be named). I cannot express to you how much that pisses me off because it’s awfully hard to be mad when I’m secretly sort of thrilled that Jane Espenson and I had the same idea.
Can I be both a sore loser and a squealing fangirl?